Something we wished more people talked about part 5,983: phone sex. File that under those sexual fantasies youd really like to be less of a dream and more of a reality-like joining the mile high club, for example. Luckily, you dont need a private jet for this kind of sex. Just your phone, your partner, and some courage.
Phone sex is all about the auditory eroticism, says Shamyra Howard, LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder of onthegreencouch. But its not just for long-distance relationships where physical intimacy is miles away.
“People use phone sex to increase eroticism and sexual play in their relationships,” says Howard. Its a great way for any and all couples to spice things up, feel sexually validated, and get off. After all, research shows that novelty is like an aphrodisiac for your brain.
But like any sexual activity thats new and unfamiliar, phone sex can feel daunting and uncomfortable. “Its really vulnerable,” says Dr. Jenni Skyler, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of The Intimacy Institute. “Youre putting yourself out there, and it takes a lot of courage.” But thats no reason not to try.
“Once you try it and realize it’s not so scary and dangerous, it can be really fun,” Skyler adds. “Anything new and unfamiliar can feel intimidating, but thats okay, let yourself feel the intimidation.” Your first-time phone sex motto: Feel the fear, and do it anyway. Why? For starters, it’s a seriously hot addition to your in-person sex life, but that’s not the only reason (stay on the line for more). Here’s everything you need to know about kissing-and doing everything else-through the phone, according to experts:
Phone sex is the act of talking about, engaging in, or hearing you and your partners’ sexual acts or fantasies over the phone. Its sharing anything erotic on the phone, whether its auditory or with a screen, says Skyler. “At this point, I qualify anything with a FaceTime or Zoom on the phone as phone Spanish Sites dating app sex too-which is more screen sex, but it still counts,” she adds. “In this day and age, phone sex also includes sexting.” Noted.
You dont necessarily have to reach an orgasm during phone sex-but if thats the goal you and your partner establish, then go for the ‘O’. That said, many people have phone sex where only one person is engaging in self-pleasure and the other is not. Sometimes, its just for the eroticism and connection. Think of phone sex as a shared moment of validation and sexiness that may or may not include orgasm. Bottom line: Just do what works for you and don’t worry too much about labels.
Consent is one of the most important parts of phone sex because one, you always need consent from a partner to engage in any sexual behavior, and two, it makes it less awkward. Theres no exception to the consent rule, even if there’s no physical contact involved.
First, test the waters with your partner to establish that both of you are into the idea. “I always encourage couples to use language like, ‘I would love to try this. ‘ or ‘How does that sound to you?'” says Skyler. “You have to come from a place of curiosity, rather than a demand.” Say something like, “Ive been thinking itd be hot to try phone sex, what do you think about trying it out?”
You also want to talk about when its okay to initiate phone sex and when its not okay. A common first question to initiate phone sex is: “What are you wearing?” It gives the option to continue if you want, or if you don’t, you can say something like, “I’m wearing clothes,” and shut it down.